When you feel envy or anger, how do you respond? Do you put on your kindest face for everyone to admire, while viciously criticizing yourself for being petty and mean on the inside? Or do try to rid yourself of these emotions by shaming and blaming the people who made you feel this way?
”It is incredibly challenging to free ourselves of the cultural expectations seeded thousands of years ago and still rewarded today that women should behave in ways that make us more desirable,” explained
For example, rather than feeling repulsed by our feelings of envy or being hostile towards others, if we can pay attention to its causes, we learn more about our own wants. By accepting envy as a normal and healthy experience, we give ourselves permission to hope and open the doors to new possibilities. After all, if someone else has it, maybe you can too.
Likewise, rather than repressing our feelings of anger and simmering with resentment, if we can pay attention to its causes, we can identify our unmet needs. By accepting that anger is a normal and healthy experience, we give ourselves permission to ask for what we need and set healthy boundaries. Healthy anger provokes change and helps us to establish new ways of being in the world through grace and peace.
“While it can feel terrifying to choose not to conform to society’s expectations,” explained Elise, "The paradox is that it's much safer to be true to who you really are rather than who others think you should be.”
We took away so many a-ha insights and practical tools from our recent podcast with Elise, that we’ve recorded an after-party podcast for you to dive deeper into how you can extend self-compassion to your need to perform perfectly. Just hit play above to join us.
Please note: We are mindful that ‘girl’ and ‘woman’ are socially constructed ideas of gender that can fall painfully short of defining the fabulous complexity of who we each are. If these words resonate with part of how you have previously or currently identified yourself, we’d love to hear about your lived experiences.
The gifts of envy and anger