Do you find yourself playing it safe to keep others happy? Does the thought of disappointing people fill you with dread? What if your desire to be ‘good’ is actually stopping you from being great?
"People who are raised to be 'good girls' are generally socialized to put everyone else's needs first," explained Dr. Margie Warrell, bestselling author and courage catalyst, when we interviewed her for this podcast. "This can make practicing courage challenging as we don't know how to show up for ourselves."
The distance between who we are and who we can be - what Margie calls "The Courage Gap" - is created by two core elements that we must master:
Our relationship with fear shapes how we perceive risks and challenges. When we let fear run the show, it magnifies dangers, amplifies doubts, and keeps us stuck in our comfort zone. But fear itself isn't the enemy - it's how we manage it. By learning to regulate our fear response and ground ourselves in the present moment, we can prevent fear from hijacking our choices.
Our willingness to take action despite our fears determines whether we grow or stay stuck. Courage isn't about eliminating fear - it's about building our capacity to move forward in its presence. Each brave step, no matter how small, strengthens this muscle and expands what's possible.
"None of us ever fully close our courage gap," Margie explains. "There's always another level, another devil, another fear, another invitation to courage. But practicing self-forgiveness and making peace with the person we're on our way to becoming is a radical act of courage in itself."
Margie recommends these practices for bridging your own courage gap:
Start in Your Body: Begin by noticing where fear lives in your physical form - the tightness in your chest, the knot in your stomach, the tension in your shoulders. Take several deep breaths into these spaces. Remember that "our issues are in our tissues" and the pathway to courage starts with befriending your fear response rather than fighting it.
Remember Your Why: Connect to what matters most to you - your values, your vision, your deepest aspirations. Let this fuel your courage more than fear fuels your hesitation. As Margie says, "The only way to defeat fear is by focusing on something more important than it."
Take Micro-Steps: Don't wait to feel completely ready - you never will. Instead, ask yourself "What's the smallest brave step I could take right now?" Maybe it's making that phone call, speaking up in the meeting, or having that difficult conversation. Build momentum through small wins.
"Life rewards action and delay grows increasingly expensive," explained Margie. "Every time you choose courage over comfort, you're casting a vote for the person you want to become."
For more of Margie’s wonderful work, be sure to pre-order her new book "The Courage Gap" (coming January 2025) and visit margiewarrell.com for more resources and her Live Brave podcast.
Please note: We are mindful that ‘girl’ and ‘woman’ are socially constructed ideas of gender that can fall painfully short of defining the fabulous complexity of who we each are. If these words resonate with part of how you have previously or currently identified yourself, we’d love to hear about your lived experiences.
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