Do you ever feel like you're constantly juggling expectations - both your own and others' - of who you're supposed to be and how you're supposed to show up in the world? Maybe you've been labeled as "too much" or "not enough." Perhaps you've found yourself exhausted from striving for an impossible standard of perfection or silencing your own needs to please others. If any of this resonates, you're not alone. Over the past year, we've been on a research journey to understand how women navigate the ‘good girl’ expectations that often stop us from being our true selves.
Starting with in-depth conversations with more than 100 women who generously shared their stories, we discovered patterns in both the challenges they faced and the tools that were helping them break free. To validate these insights, we interviewed leading researchers about evidence-based approaches and recently surveyed over 1,000 Australian women.
Here's what we learned about the three most common good girl expectations and the tools helping women break free:
Performing Perfectly: The pressure to maintain an impossible standard of effortless perfection touches every aspect of women's lives. Our research found 77% of women strive for perfection to avoid criticism, with 82% reporting exhaustion from these standards. The evidence-based antidote? Self-compassion - both the tender kind that soothes us when struggling, and the fierce self-compassion that helps us protect ourselves, provide for our needs, and stay motivated as we learn.
People Pleasing: The compulsion to sacrifice our own wellbeing to meet others' expectations emerged as a dominant theme. 78% of women admitted regularly prioritizing others' needs over their own to avoid rejection, with 67% feeling resentful. The evidence-based antidote? Securely attaching to ourselves. We can think of our nervous systems like safety dials moving between connection and protection. When in the "green zone," we find our sweet spot - grounded enough to stay connected while honoring our needs. But when we fear abandonment, we might urgently rush to please others ("red zone"). Or when we feel vulnerable, we may withdraw into isolation ("blue zone"). Noticing where our safety dials point, we can begin responding with awareness.
Protecting Others: 67% of women reported regularly silencing their true feelings to avoid abandonment, with over half struggling to consistently live as the person they want to be. The evidence-based antidote? Strengthening self-leadership through understanding there are no "bad" parts within us - only protective ones doing their best to keep us safe. Often carrying strategies from earlier life chapters, these parts reveal wisdom about our needs when met with genuine curiosity. From this place of internal safety, we access our Self-energy - that calm, compassionate presence holding space for all experiences.
We took away so many insights from this research journey that we've recorded a special podcast exploring what we learned. Just hit play above to join us as we dive deeper into the practical tools that can help you break free of good girl expectations.
We want to extend our deepest gratitude to the women who courageously shared their stories with us and the researchers who helped us understand the evidence-based tools that can support this journey. Your wisdom and experiences have illuminated paths forward not just for us, but for women everywhere who are learning to embrace being uniquely themselves.
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