JOIN US: 3 simple steps to shake off the 'good girl' beliefs that keep you stuck. Join women from across Substack for this 14-day challenge to free ourselves from performing perfectly, pleasing everyone, and protecting others. Learn how to live life on your terms and for your benefit.
I was raised a Good Girl and told that “Girls who get themselves in trouble, deserve the consequences.” Ouch. Being firmly middle-aged now, I’ve let that go in my private life, but still see it said around me.
The 'Good Girl' Expectation:
Society tells women that modesty is a virtue, especially when it comes to how we talk about our bodies and sexuality. This expectation can make us feel like we need to downplay our desires or be ashamed of open discussions about sex.
How I’m shaking it off:
I’m shaking it off by writing about body autonomy and sexual empowerment through the lens of romance novels. Romance novels are where we authors can openly discuss consent, boundaries, and self-love and readers can see role models. In my substack, I’m writing stories that encourage readers to embrace their bodies and desires without apology.
Thank you so much for sharing this Danika. I love how you’ve taken something so ingrained and flipped it into empowerment through your writing! The idea of using romance novels to explore body autonomy, consent, and boundaries is such a beautiful way to rewrite the narrative. 💗
My whole childhood was about meeting high expectations, being good, never being allowed to stand up for myself, and only being recognized when I messed up, instead of focusing on me being a good person AS IS. Unconditionally.
What I learned while raising my grandsons when they were toddlers, (because I didn't know this as a young mom), was to praise the effort instead of making it about being “good or bad.”
I often find myself telling my daughter (11) that she is a good girl.
The moment the comment comes out of my mouth, I instantly want to take it back.
I was a good girl all my youth, but when life hits you in the face at adulthood, good girls often find themselves not knowing what to do, or how to defend themselves.
I didn’t necessarily grow up with these beliefs but I still internalized a lot of ideas about having to be helpful and accommodating of all requests to prove that I care about someone, with the fear that if I don’t always say yes to everything, the person asking will hate me.
I grew up believing that ‘good girls’ keep things neat and tidy. This meant:
- Clothes should never be wrinkled.
- Homes should never be dusty.
- Families should always be loving.
- Work should always be neatly presented.
Not surprisingly, this charade has been exhausting to try and keep up.
So, I’m choosing to shake off this outdated ‘good girl’ idea and giving myself permission to be as messy as I want to be. Every time I choose not to pick up behind my family, make myself shiny, or over-prepare I’m going to cherish these acts of freedom.
In the words of Elle Wood: “I’m going to be okay. I’m just going to keep being who I am.”
What ‘good girl’ beliefs do you need to shake off?
https://substack.com/@danikabloom/note/c-71169715
I was raised a Good Girl and told that “Girls who get themselves in trouble, deserve the consequences.” Ouch. Being firmly middle-aged now, I’ve let that go in my private life, but still see it said around me.
The 'Good Girl' Expectation:
Society tells women that modesty is a virtue, especially when it comes to how we talk about our bodies and sexuality. This expectation can make us feel like we need to downplay our desires or be ashamed of open discussions about sex.
How I’m shaking it off:
I’m shaking it off by writing about body autonomy and sexual empowerment through the lens of romance novels. Romance novels are where we authors can openly discuss consent, boundaries, and self-love and readers can see role models. In my substack, I’m writing stories that encourage readers to embrace their bodies and desires without apology.
Thank you so much for sharing this Danika. I love how you’ve taken something so ingrained and flipped it into empowerment through your writing! The idea of using romance novels to explore body autonomy, consent, and boundaries is such a beautiful way to rewrite the narrative. 💗
https://substack.com/@wendigordon/note/c-70583140
@wendigordon shared:
The belief I’m trying to shake is that my worth comes from what I do (or how much I get paid for my work) instead of who I am.
https://substack.com/@tanrosado/note/c-70856429/
@dawnreneerice said:
My whole childhood was about meeting high expectations, being good, never being allowed to stand up for myself, and only being recognized when I messed up, instead of focusing on me being a good person AS IS. Unconditionally.
What I learned while raising my grandsons when they were toddlers, (because I didn't know this as a young mom), was to praise the effort instead of making it about being “good or bad.”
https://substack.com/@tanrosado/note/c-70856429
@tanrosado shared:
I often find myself telling my daughter (11) that she is a good girl.
The moment the comment comes out of my mouth, I instantly want to take it back.
I was a good girl all my youth, but when life hits you in the face at adulthood, good girls often find themselves not knowing what to do, or how to defend themselves.
I don't want this for my daughter.
https://substack.com/@inkystars/note/c-69791976
@inkystars shared:
Productivity as the means of earning my place in the world. No place in the world needs to be earned - it’s mine by right of existence!
https://substack.com/@rachelkramerbussel/note/c-69764540
@rachelkramerbussel shared:
I didn’t necessarily grow up with these beliefs but I still internalized a lot of ideas about having to be helpful and accommodating of all requests to prove that I care about someone, with the fear that if I don’t always say yes to everything, the person asking will hate me.
https://substack.com/@mdowd/note/c-69759697
@mdowd shared:
Shaking off the belief that my primary worth is as a caregiver.
https://substack.com/@tanrosado/note/c-69819261
@tanrosado shared:
My kids often tell me to stop cleaning. I don’t do it because I like it, I do it because my husband does…
Good girl syndrome for sure!
Also, wanting to please others!
https://substack.com/@youtopiaevie/note/c-69756184/
I love this challenge idea. I grew up always deflecting or downplaying compliments.
If someone complimented my appearance, I’d say, “Oh no, you’re much prettier.”
If someone praised my work ethic, I’d say, “I could have done better.”
If someone admired my creativity, I’d say, “It’s nothing special really.”
I became so accustomed to shrinking myself.
Now, I am learning to pause, take a breath, and simply say, “thank you”.
https://substack.com/@chellemcquaid/note/c-69633851
@tinabrucesoul shared:
I’m ready to shake off the guilt stuck in my gut.
I’m ready to shake off being told ‘anger doesn’t suit me’.
I’m ready to shake the spiritful avocado tree!!
https://substack.com/@chellemcquaid/note/c-69632544
I grew up believing that ‘good girls’ keep things neat and tidy. This meant:
- Clothes should never be wrinkled.
- Homes should never be dusty.
- Families should always be loving.
- Work should always be neatly presented.
Not surprisingly, this charade has been exhausting to try and keep up.
So, I’m choosing to shake off this outdated ‘good girl’ idea and giving myself permission to be as messy as I want to be. Every time I choose not to pick up behind my family, make myself shiny, or over-prepare I’m going to cherish these acts of freedom.
In the words of Elle Wood: “I’m going to be okay. I’m just going to keep being who I am.”
What ‘good girl’ beliefs do you need to shake off?