Have you been taken by surprise to discover just how deeply society’s ‘good girl’ expectations shapes your choices? Do you find yourself wondering how these beliefs took hold, no matter how free-spirited your childhood may have been? For Evie, despite growing up barefoot and wild on her grandparents' commune, the need to perform perfectly, please everyone, and protect others still found their way into her heart and mind.
"I grew up in the rural town and my grandparents lived out on a commune where we spent out time running through the dirt, climbing trees, and swimming in the creek. It was magic for me," explained Evie Wright, co-author of the upcoming The Perfectly Imperfect Women's Journal, when we interviewed her for this podcast. "And yet, it's fascinating how even with all of this freedom and sense of oneness, society managed to groom me to be a ‘good girl’."
As she entered her teenage years, Evie felt the pressure to grow up fast. She began spending hours at the hairdresser dying her hair blonde, said yes to every party, and did whatever it took to fit in with the "right" crowds in an effort to win love and acceptance.
What started as a quest for teenage validation followed her into adulthood, where always saying 'yes' eventually led to burnout in her career as a paramedic. Until eventually, Evie discovered three practices that are helping her to leave her need to please everyone behind:
Being Soothed By Nature: When you're feeling overwhelmed by perfectionism or self-criticism, nature can help regulate your nervous system and restore your sense of peace.
Choose your connection - whether sky gazing, water watching, tree time, garden grounding, or animal appreciation.
Engage your senses fully: What do you see? What do you hear? What do you feel? What do you smell? What do you sense?
Follow nature's rhythm and let its unhurried timing guide you. Remember: Like nature, you don't need to rush. Like nature, you can flow with change. Like nature, you are perfectly imperfect. Like nature, you belong exactly as you are.
Setting A Healthy Boundary: A healthy boundary clarifies what you will do to keep yourself protected and connected with others. Start by honoring your brain's need to feel safer by identifying:
The hurt: Honor your brain’s need to feel safer in your relationships. Ask: What's happening that's making you feel hurt? What behavior needs a boundary? Why is this boundary important to me?
It’s not okay for: __________________________.The hope: Prompt your brain to stay curious and connected. Ask: What’s happening in this situation that gives me hope? What’s the behavior I value and want to prioritize? Why is this important for our relationship?
It is okay for _______________________________.
The help: Reassure your brain it can trust and rely on you. Ask: What action am I willing to take when the not okay behavior occurs? Why is this action the healthy choice for me and others? How will this action reassure my body and brain that I am safe?
To take care of myself, I will _______________________.
Finding Your Self: When have you shown up as your wisest and kindest Self? To strengthen your connection to your Self-energy, try to:
Sit: Place one hand on your heart, one on your belly, and breathe gently.
Explore: Recall a time when you showed up as your wisest and kindest Self for others and/or yourself. A time when you had no agenda, just genuine care and love.
Listen: As you think about this moment and what unfolded, can you recall how you drew on your capacities for: Courage? Curiosity? Compassion? Creativity? Clarity? Calm? Confidence? Connectedness? Which of these Self capacities most resonate with you?
My strengths are ______________________.Find: Is there a visual image, a word or phrase, a gesture, or a name that can remind you that this Self-energy is always there to be accessed?
My Self is found by __________________.
"I'm learning that I am worthy of love just as I am," shared Evie. "In many ways, I'm finding my way back to that kid who felt at home in nature – messy, free, and completely herself."
Join us for the worldwide launch of The Perfectly Imperfect Little Girl and The Perfectly Imperfect Women's Journal on February 12th, 2025.
Please note: We are mindful that ‘girl’ and ‘woman’ are socially constructed ideas of gender that can fall painfully short of defining the fabulous complexity of who we each are. If these words resonate with part of how you have previously or currently identified yourself, we’d love to hear about your lived experiences.
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