Are you a 'good girl'?

TAKE THE SURVEY: Discover the impact of your 'good girl' beliefs and behaviors

If you’ve been wondering how you’re doing when it comes to freeing yourself from your ‘good girl’ beliefs to be more ‘uniquely you,’ at the click of a button, you can now find out.

Based on our research with women around the world, the new ‘Good Girl’ Mindset Survey is ready for you to break down how your beliefs and behaviors are impacting your daily life.  It’s completely free, and you can immediately see your results.

In less than five minutes, you can assess how you’re doing when it comes to your:

• ‘Good Girl’ Beliefs & Behaviors: Your need to perform perfectly, please everyone, and protect others in order to earn love.

• ‘Uniquely You’ Beliefs & Behaviors: Your ability to show self-compassion, be securely attached, and continue strengthening your self-leadership.

Best of all, there is no right or wrong score. There is only the score that is right for you based on your current hopes for your life.

Just click the button below immediately access the survey.

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What is a ‘good girl’ mindset?

Our research with women around the world has found many of us have grown up abandoning, exhausting, and twisting ourselves into emotional, physical, social, spiritual, and financial knots as we try to:

🌟 Perform perfectly: Fearing criticism, we strive to politely and effortlessly achieve physical, emotional, and social perfection.

💗 Please everyone: Fearing rejection, we conform to society’s expectations and sacrifice our wellbeing to care for others.

⛑ Protect others: Fearing abandonment, we silence our true feelings and try to save others from life’s challenges and heartaches.

In the short term, these behaviors often win us the appreciation, recognition, and love of others. But in the long-term many women reported this childhood grooming led to exhaustion, loss of self-identity, and resentment. In extreme cases, it contributed to burnout, eating disorders, sexual abuse, domestic violence, poverty, addiction, self-harm, and suicide.

We think of it as ‘junk food love’. It may feel good in the moment, but if it becomes our main source of sustenance, we eventually experience all sorts of health problems.

What is a ‘uniquely you’ mindset?

Our research is finding we can shift our ‘good girl’ beliefs when they don’t serve us well to embody our unique selves when we have the knowledge, tools, and support to:

💝 Show self-compassion: Accepting our imperfections, we confidently learn and grow without any shame.

🛟 Securely attach: Accepting our need for safety, we unapologetically prioritize our self-care and set healthy boundaries.

💡 Strengthen self-leadership: Accepting our longing for authenticity, we courageously speak up and remain true to ourselves.

In the short term, these behaviors can be met with rejection, exclusion, and abandonment from others. But in the long term, women reported that honouring their needs resulted in higher levels of freedom, well-being, and love (both of themselves and from others).

We think of it as ‘nutritious love.’ It can take time, but once your body has a taste of being nourished, it's hard to settle for less healthy choices.

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Why might taking this survey help me?

It’s best to think of these beliefs and behaviors as a continuum, rather than being either a ‘good girl’ or a ‘uniquely you’. Depending on what is happening within you and around you at any given moment, you’re likely to lean more towards one set of beliefs or the others.

Neither prescriptive nor permanent, your survey scores are simply a tool to help you better understand your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors and make it easier to choose where to focus your energy and efforts next. The question to ask yourself is: “In my current context, are these beliefs and behaviors serving me well?”

Like all good research on human behaviour, our understanding and tools about how we can free ourselves from our ‘good girl’ grooming is still very much a work in progress. Our invitation is to use what we are learning to accelerate your own knowledge, to inspire your personal practices, to pull these ideas apart to find what works best for you, and to be part of an ongoing conversation that continues to share our discoveries with each other.

Your survey results and the tools provided are not intended to replace personal psychological support. If any of our materials leave you feeling upset or distressed, please reach out to a local trained therapist. We would also appreciate your feedback so we can ensure we do no harm.

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Please note: We are mindful that ‘girl’ and ‘woman’ are socially constructed ideas of gender that can fall painfully short of defining the fabulous complexity of who we each are. If these words resonate with part of how you have previously or currently identified yourself, then we would love to hear about your lived experiences.